I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
