speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
