I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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