Someone shit on the floor
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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