She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
