I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
honey bunches of taint.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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