I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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