I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
barbara walters just said penis...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
