The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
