so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
