On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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