I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
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Even my vagina gasped.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
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This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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