Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Kiss
Puke
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
