My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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