Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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