Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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