1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize