That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
They are going to name an STD after you.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
