He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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