I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
