three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
