dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I think your dad took our porno
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
