party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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