Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
