Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
