I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
the night ended with taco bell and tears
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
