the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
