I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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