Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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