You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
