I hope mine doesn't look like that
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My vagina just recognized that song.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
