I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize