Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize