So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
