i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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