Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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