I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
