problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
