i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
