It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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