theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
