Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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