some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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