I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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