Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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