So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
