A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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