Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
