I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize