i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you didnt know i had herpes?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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