I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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