when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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