Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize