I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Two words: blizzard sex
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
