You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
