This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
and she was petting her beer can
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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