i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
That was an excessively violent trivia night
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
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