i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
