so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
