i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
