I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
