I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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