honey bunches of taint.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
