It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
There r osticjed everywhere
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
COCAINE IS GR8
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
