Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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