somebody snuck up and got me drunk
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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