I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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