Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
