after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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