You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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