and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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