is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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