This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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