I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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