Got a toothbrush?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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