I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
