I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
