My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
