my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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