You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
