when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
