she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
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I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
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They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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