If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
