So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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